she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
