Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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