I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
