Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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