dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
