Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
