I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
