yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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