My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
