I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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