what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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