I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
