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My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
