hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize