You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
