i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
