if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
