Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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