Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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