I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
