i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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