No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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