I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
