I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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