In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
