He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to fling myself into the sun
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize