She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
