Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
