Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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