if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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