I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
