her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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