i already hear my dad disowning me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
two words...techno handjob
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
