dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Girls should come with a carfax report
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
