I hate all girls vehemently.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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