she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
