So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
