do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
