did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
