you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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