i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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