Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
