K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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