I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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