So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
