dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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