I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
