There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize