i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We have so much sex to catch up on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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