in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize