He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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