I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
