Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
