So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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