Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
