U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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