Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
