I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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