woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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