Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize