break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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