I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
