apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
