I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
