I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
