"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
