I queefed so loud it echoed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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