Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize