my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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