My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
cat food counts as protein by the way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
