New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
