Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
