I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
