u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
