there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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