I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
