He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize