Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
