3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
