i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
