One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
