Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
