I should be sponsored by Trojan
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i think my cat just said my name.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
