well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
