And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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