wanna go halves on a baby?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
