I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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