I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
