oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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