Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
