He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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