My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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