is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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