She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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