I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You are a genius and a whore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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