took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
