You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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